i also want to say my advice but idk if you want a whole lot of people telling you what you "should" do. do you want to know our opinions? or just let out your feelings?
Mostly just wanted to let out my feelings tbh, both him and everyone else I care for enough to split over are such sweethearts and I know everything I feel when I spiral IS irrational, but thank you for asking โฅ๏ธ.